Some days I think I'm Murphy. I'm actually doing well and staying on course, then I am the one who goes and fucks things up. I don't even have to wait for something bad to happen, I just do it myself. I may have extra money burning a hole in my pocket or something and before I know it, I made a bad choice and blew more money than I should.Gosh, I've been working at this for so many months now, you'd think I'd be smarter and make the best decisions for our current situation, but for whatever stupid reason I don't. It really gets me down.
I don't have any real excuses and I know I'm smarter than my behavior would let on. I guess it's a journey and it's just going to take time.
When I take a moment to step back and think of the big picture, I know that I am improving. It's just not as fast as I'd hope it would be. Who knew that the road would be so bumpy and it would be so hard to hang on to the damn wagon? Oh well.
Have a great weekend all and Happy 4th of July!
PS - As an update, the hubby didn't get that job from last week. We'll keep searching though! Thanks for all the well wishes.
Chin up....no idea what happened, but you are probably beating yourself up more than is warranted. You are doing great!
ReplyDeleteCome on, you can think up an excuse! Just try a little harder, there's an excuse (read: justification) for anything! Lol
ReplyDeleteAll kidding aside, sometimes we mess up. It's not a big deal, and money is a renewable resource. You can make more and make a better choice next time. Don't sweat it. And be nice to yourself! Sometimes easier said than done, I know...
Don't beat yourself up so much! As long as you are heading in the right direction a few slip ups aren't so bad. I do the same thing with money (keep me out of the purse department at Macy's!), diet (keep me out of Starbucks!), and exercise (I was doing so well then just quit). And I do these things repeatedly knowing better but at some point not caring. Ouch! Anyway, you have been making excellent progress so far--keep up the good work! And have a happy 4th!!
ReplyDeleteI know that feeling about being your own worst enemy. At some point you won't do this anymore, because you don't want to live that kind of life anymore. This you know is true or else you wouldn't feel so crappy about yourself right now. Definitely keep your chin up, you can get through this.
ReplyDeleteEcho what Mysti said. It will be okay. Just don't beat yourself up. Step back and regroup!
ReplyDeleteDon't be too hard on yourself! I've been there many, many times...I wish I had learned my lessons 20 years ago...I would be so much better off! Brush it off and push forward..you.can.do.it!
ReplyDeleteLove that picture. Funny.
ReplyDeleteYour doing great despite what you think. At least you can still recognize your mistakes. You may have to take a beating to learn but you are going to get it right. We all make mistakes just try to remember the good things you achieved as well.
Sistahfriend! Been there, done that. The $1300 laptop, $275 corset, $200 commissioned dress, $400 on misc. Oh honey, that was me this past month! I could blame it on my hypomania but really beating my head against a wall seems so much... cheaper, yes? (grin)
ReplyDeleteFeel free to feel bad. We are not G-d (or gods, depending on your belief system) - we are not Devo. And we sure as heck aren't perfect.
i am right there with you --- keep that chin up ~ just go day by day ~ there are ALWAYS going to be bad days, just pick yourself back up & get back to that wagon, even though there are always painful splinters on it ;)
ReplyDeletechin up buttercup!
don't be too hard on yourself, you've hit a tough patch ((hugs)) just take a break and then when you're ready you'll get back into it. sorry to hear about the job
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